In C.O.G. We Trust, by Consortium of Genius

In C.O.G. We Trust

by Consortium of Genius

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1.	I Have the Power 04:22	lyrics	buy track
I've come here from a distant place to stare at each and every face Of you, the trite and commonplace who watch my every move I stand before you on this stage to dip my quill and script a page Of history, outside the cage that I've prepared for you You want to know what is it I do to command your ear and eye? Well I have the power Over what you do Contained within my show tonight are all your dreams come true Now I come from a lengthy line all highly cultured and refined A mix of mortal and divine who walked upon the earth I stand here now to make my mark, like lightning lighting up the dark (FLASH!) With cosmic forces that did spark the moment of my birth (What a moment!) There's nothing anyone can do, I want to warn each one of you that I have the power Over all of you Contained within this brain of mine are all your dreams... STOP DOING THAT!!! (SORRY!) Do you have the power? - I believe I have the power! Are you sure you have the power? - Well I thought I had the power! And do you deserve the power? - I don't know! But Give me... give me THE POWER! guitar solo But does my power truly enslave you? Untrue! No special force, or strange ability What secret magic power do you each possess? The power of your gullibility! Oh yes, you have the power Over what you do Contained within your pointed little heads are all your dreams come true, true true... Whoa, whoa, yes you know you do you have the power A voice, a chance, a choice to pick and choose With hearts, and minds up your behinds And megabucks to lose...
2.	a temporary loss of power 00:54		buy track
3.	LoBoToMy 03:15	lyrics	buy track
Stress Fear of failure Knowledge Exams Questions Answers Responses Rhetoric LO! BO! TO! MY! LO! BO! TO! MY! Small part of you wants to die But most of you wishes to live There must be a solution to this problem Here's some advice that I'm happy to give The source of your consternation Is buried deep inside of your head Get rid of the defective part of yourself You'd be a lot happier if you were Brain Dead! LO! BO! TO! MY! LO! BO! TO! MY! Power Pressure Presence Transsubstantiation Politicians on the left Politicians on the right Politicians on the left and politicians on the right could use a LO! BO! TO! MY! LO! BO! TO! MY! Take a nice sharpened object A number two pencil will do Ram it up your nose just as hard as you can The pain goes away in an hour or two You'll wake up in a whole new frame of mind And then you'll know how good life can be Now you'll be just as happy as me! You just gave yourself a lobotomy! LO! BO! TO! MY! LO!! BO!! TO!! MY!!!
4.	Destroy Old Things 06:32	lyrics	buy track
Destroy old things They're all used up This rusting tool That broken cup The VCR That ate my tape The comfy chair That lost its shape Destroy! Destroy old things Do it today You broke a string, throw the guitar away Buy a new one now they're all so cheap So what, who cares if it just lasts a week? Destroy it! Out of date! Outmoded! Out of vogue, you've been Outvoted! Destroy old things Buy all new gear, and Do it, do it, do it, do it several times a year Spend your cash, forget the quality Do your part for the economy! Buy cheap! Be smart! Shop at S-Mart! This brand new stuff You bought is broken But the buying public Have already spoken They purchase garbage with a smile We'll pile it high atop a stinking garbage pile! Destroy it - you no longer care Fix it so that it can't be repaired Smash that trash no hesitation! Destroy, and vent out all your animal frustration! But what to do with all this waste? To fire it into outer space Would cost too much. Instead let's act fast Destroy it with atomic blast! Turn those stinking piles of trash Into radioactive ash Outsized! Outcast! Destroyed... destroyed, destroyed at last! All your new things Will soon be broken You'll buy them over again Do you think I'm joking? We can, we should We can, we should Blow it up real good Blow it up real good! DESTROY!
5.	all hands report to the lab 00:55		buy track
6.	Reach Out and Touch the Hand 05:05	lyrics	buy track
The hand It's following you Without an arm Without a clue You can't understand Why... it's still alive You'd think you'd have to run In order to survive - but you could reach out Reach out and touch the hand Get a grip Try to understand Life these days, it never goes as planned So go ahead - and touch the hand! Touch the hand, touch the hand, touch the HAND! The hand It doesn't follow commands Like sit, or stay It doesn't understand What does it want? You can't comprehend A handshake? Love? Or a sequined glove? This torture will never end! Until you reach out Reach out and touch the hand The hand you're dealt Is not yours to demand And life these days, it never goes as planned So go ahead - and touch the hand! But... forgive me Lord, for I have sinned against Music Mangled the melody, torn and abused it The words and lyrics, I have confused them yeah Somebody lend me a hand that's connected Not one that's crawling around and infected Don't point the finger if it's not protected, yeah! Just touch the hand, touch the hand, touch the HAND! The hand... it's now around your neck! It's strangling you! You ask me, "what the heck? Whaddid I do? Do? To deserve this?" Then you look at your arm... it's amputated at the wrist! I told ya reach out - reach out and touch the hand! Why'd ya listen to me? I'm just the singer in a band! Next time... think for yourself! Take a stand! You should not... have touched the hand! I repeat... don't touch the hand! I do declare... don't touch the hand! Hey you over there... don't touch the hand! Attencion... n'est touchez pas le main! I cannot stress strongly enough... don't touch the hand! Oh no... run away! Here comes the hand!!!
7.	Placebo! 02:34	lyrics	buy track
You wake up in the morning and you're feeling kinda ill So you go to see the doctor to get some kind of a pill And the doctor looks at you and says it's all up in your head So he hands you a prescription and tells you to go to bed You think the medicine he gave you was a hoax! (Placebo!) In the condition you are in you don't have time for stupid jokes Please tell me what the hell this is I am eating? (Placebo!) If I had wanted sugar pills I would have gone out trick-or-treating! So you wake up the next morning feeling worse instead of better And you notice with the pills the doctor had enclosed a letter Stating that you shouldn't take these pills with food or drugs or beer And you're thinking that it's time to end his medical career Is it fraud or just malpractice, well it's both! (Placebo!) It's a hipocracy against the very Hippocratic oath! Now you're not just sick, you're also quite annoyed! (Placebo!) The efficacy of this treatment is completely null and void Your friends all think you're getting carried away These things take time, you should give it one more day In a few hours you'll be feeling so nice Then you get the doctor bill and see the stratospheric price! synth solo Now you're walking up to give the doc a big piece of your mind And then suddenly you feel a quaver deep in your behind Everybody's staring at you as you charge across the floor Heading straight in the direction of the nearest restroom door When you barge into the bathroom there's your doc He's got some news for you that nearly puts you in a state of shock He says he's got some different pills he wants to give you Because it wasn't a placebo, it was lax-a-tive!
8.	Chati Che Cow (Show 'em To Me Now) 00:21		buy track
9.	radiosonic ruckus 00:49		buy track
10.	Why Do We Do It 05:02	lyrics	buy track
Well we've been working long hours alone in the lab Long into the night Are you getting the same reaction as me girl? The moment has got to be right We studied nuclear science and chemicals The moon and the stars above With all our eyes have scrutinized I believe it is time to experiment on love Why do we do it? Because we're scientists! Why do we do it? Because we're scientists! Why do we do it? Because we're scientists! Why do we do it? We should do it in the name of science! Science! Science Science Science! Science! Science! Science! Science Science Science! Science! Hey yeah I've got a PhD in physiology A genius of science with a nuclear degree But beneath the lab coat girl you know I'm a man And with you being a woman I have got myself a plan So why settle for doin' it any ol' place? We could use the teleporter and do it in space We could do it in zero gravity I'm gonna do it for you if you do it right back at me Why do we do it? Because we're scientists! Why do we do it? Because we're scientists! Why do we do it? Because we're scientists! Why do we do it? We should do it in the name of science! Science! Science Science Science! Science! Science! Science! Science Science Science! Science! Yow Peer into the visorscope And see what your future will be Yes it's true, a ray of hope Probability that you will be with me! Chemicals you are wearing have a sensual aroma And above my boudoir is a magnificent diploma You could give it up... or research on your own If you don't go down with me then I'll just have to freak your clone Freak your mind and your body with my science guitar solo Now BREAK! Umph Well we could do it in the radiation booth A dangerous idea, to tell you the truth We could also do it invisibly Cause it's challenging to do it when you can't see you or me We could do it in the planetarium, the terrerium, or the aquarium We could to it and keep our lab coats on Or we could switch brains and do it to it all night long Why do we do it? Because we're scientists! Why do we do it? Because we're scientists! Why do we do it? Because we're scientists! Why do we do it? We should do it in the name of science! Science! Science Science Science! Science! Science! Science! Science Science Science! Science! Why do we do it? Because we're scientists! Why do we do it? Because we're scientists! Why do we do it? Because we're scientists! Why do we do it? We should do it in the name of science! Science! Science Science Science! Science! Science! Science! Science Science Science! Science!
11.	Dance or Die 04:35	lyrics	buy track
Dance - dance all night Dance - dance or die! Let us play your silly game I want to feel the precious pain Falling through this masquerade I want to bathe in acid rave Dance - dance all night Dance - dance or die Love to stay throes delay love to play until we came Sinful shame pulsating pain in the name of all we blame Your writhing bodies I now want to be possessing I can't tell whether I am rolling or just x-ing You can't see what I feel, but I fear I need some more Let us dance ourselves to death, here on the dance floor Where we can dance - dance all night Dance - dance or die! Tie your hands behind your head drop dead follow me to bed Take my hand my wedding band do exactly as we planned Take a knife end my life we have played your silly game Here I lay your smile betrays you remain I'm not to blame
12.	dogmatic deliberations 01:49		buy track
13.	Yer Dawg Iz Ded 04:12	lyrics	buy track
Well I was rockin' out in my G.T.O. I had the Upper Crust 8-track all the way up When I glanced to the road below And I saw this little pee-wee Pekingese pup Well I ran over that little Shih Tzu, and when I jumped outta my car He was-a stuck to the heel of my shoe! And that's just where we are right now Because yer dawg iz ded - D.E.D. And now his furz all read - R.E.A.D. Cause I cwushed his wittle hed! H.E.D. And now yer - yer dawg iz ded! Yeah! I hear ya yell out, "Oh my dawg!" But nobody seems to hear And now yer little dawg's dedder than a log, wit tha flies on his floppy ears Well I'm tha one who did tha deed! And I'm tha only dawg you need! Yeah I'm just a mangy malnourished scrapyard mutt but hey, At least I'm easy to feed! Yeah rite Because yer dawg iz ded - D.E.D. You say his name wuz Phread P.H.R.E.A.D. He was a pure bread - B.R.E.A.D. But now he's just plain stinkin' dead! Yeah! I hear ya still miss that little pup I say well that's just fine Why don't we erect a temple to that lazy mutt? Plant some flowers in his rotten behind! Well now my karma ran ovah yer dawgma and now That's an end to that Why don't you go ahead and end it all Just get yerself a mutha freakin' cat meow Because yer dawg iz ded - D.E.D. And now his furz all read - R.E.A.D. Cause I cwushed his wittle hed! H.E.D. And now yer - yer dawg iz ded! Yeah! Because yer dawg iz ded - D.E.D. You say his name wuz Phread P.H.R.E.A.D. He was a pure bread - B.R.E.A.D. But now he's just plain ol' dead! Yeah! Plain ol' stinkin' dead! Yeah! D.E.D.!!!!
14.	the cowboys of genius 03:09		buy track
15.	(I'm Not Jealous of the) Showerhead 04:31	lyrics	buy track
Well the other night, I come home And I found her in the bathroom, a-cryin' She's carryin' on like her dang ol' best friend jus' died Seems there weren't nothin' that I could do To dry up both of her eyes And that's when I saw it, hangin' limp Jes a-danglin' by her side And I said, I ain't jealous of the showerhead I ain't jealous of no showerhead Cause I still got me a couple o' trick that'll make you come to bed I ain't got a variable speed switch, or sundries of that kind (Doncha know) I ain't jealous of the showerhead Cause my equipment works jes' fine So there she stood, all drippin' wet Thing musta been clogged, or busted And I couldn't tell you how I felt jes then, don't know if I was sorry Or jus' disgusted But by the look on her face, well I could tell that she was plumb frustrated That's the same way that I felt The first dozen or so times we dated But uh, I ain't jealous of the showerhead I ain't jealous of no showerhead I still got a trick up ma jeans that'll make you come to bed I ain't got no six foot hose, or sundries of that kind (Doncha know) I ain't jealous of the showerhead Cause my plumbin' works just fine And I ain't jealous of that collection of South American two foot long dildo's either! By the same token I also ain't jealous of that 220 volt vibe-o-rator you keep right next to the bed! Now on the other hand that mailman with that big giant mustache who comes around every morning after I go to work... I'm still thinkin' about that one! But uh, I ain't jealous of the showerhead I ain't jealous of no showerhead Cause I've got me a dang half ton hitch that'll tow you back to bed I ain't got a dual pulse or spray selectable nozzle, or sundries of that kind (Doncha know) I ain't jealous of the showerhead Pardon! Cause my equipment works just fine
16.	runaway rednecks 00:40		buy track
17.	Born in the South 04:22	lyrics	buy track
You don't know how good you got it till you try to live somewhere else A southern man learns to rely upon himself Alone out here with the penguins and a couple thousand miles of ice If it gets above 40 below it'd sure be a real nice night Well I was born in the South (South Pole!) That's where I stand (oooh oooh) I was raised in the South (Sweet home!) With a harpoon in my hand Gonna stay in the South (South Pole!) Just as long as I can (oooh oooh) It's me against the world... I'm a southern man! Dixie's got nothin' on me I'm just as far south as I can get Ya'll northern folks don't know a walrus makes a perfect pet We got skiing, hunting out here, snowboarding and skating too That walrus pulls my sled, he's the one that I call Dreaux And he was born in the South (South Pole!) That's where I am (oooh oooh) And he was raised in the South (Sweet home!) Got those flippers 'stead of hands Gonna stay in the South (South Pole!) Just as long as we can (oooh oooh) It's us against the world... We're a southern clan! Just one thing botherin' me The attack of the wanderin' yeti Me against nature in a perilous fight With a southern-style sasquatch all furry and white - alright! organ solo guitar solo Never have to worry 'bout gettin' a meal Gonna grab my club and bludgeon me a crunchy baby seal! I'm the only one left out here cause everybody done froze to death But I know I'm still kickin' so long as I can still view my breath Wontcha all come visit me in my igloo plantation home Biggest piece of advice to you is to avoid that yellow snow You weren't born in the South (South Pole!) That's where I stand (oooh oooh) You weren't raised in the South (Sweet home!) You just wouldn't not understand You best get out of the South (South Pole!) Just as quick as you can (oooh oooh) This is my whole world... I'm a southern man! I'm a southern man! I'm a southern Hey! Yeah! I'm a southern man!
18.	desert dalliances 01:33		buy track
19.	Funky Fresh 04:03	lyrics	buy track
Hello ladies! You are looking so fine Hello ladies! You will all soon be mine Hello ladies! You are looking so sweet By the end of this song You will be tasting upon my meat For I am funky Funky fresh I am funky Funky fresh Funky fresh With all you ladies My harem will soon be full We will rock all night For I am strong like bull And I am funky Funky fresh I am funky Funky fresh Funky fresh Break it down now! Rally 'round ladies With a synergistic groove Let yourself go And really learn how to move For all that is funky I am the man, indeed The smell will set you free And I will then plant my seed! (ooh, gross!) For I am funky Funky fresh I am funky Funky fresh Funky fresh Break it down and kick it!
20.	hi-tech piracy 00:42		buy track
21.	Bucket of Blood 01:18	lyrics	buy track
Now gather 'round me mateys Don't give your Captain lip We're lost upon the bloody waves on this vampirate ship Don't want to hear no protests No screams and all that crud Just take your drink because I think we've one last bucket o' blood Oh! Bucket O' Blood! Drink it down! Careful not to spill The first mate looks anemic and the men are feeling ill So drink your last vampirates and enjoy it while it's good If we can't find land then by my hand there'll be no more buckets of blood There'll be no... more... buckets of... BLOOD!!!
22.	drumbot embarks upon a very short solo career 00:42		buy track
23.	Just a Drumbot 02:20	lyrics	buy track
I'm just a robot - enslaved by this band I'm despised from all sides but I do the best I can A sad videobot, with a brain the size of Mars Built to beat on drums in bars I'm just a drumbot, doomed to rock and to roll With two sticks, a red hat and a solid silicon soul I feel as downhearted as a rusting tin can Stupid humans, you could never understand If they hadn't trapped me behind all these drums They'd just purchase an old drum machine But by C.O.G. (C.O.G.!) I swear I would murder them all If I just could escape from this screen! I may get rusty But I wouldn't feel old If I had a fem-bot to sample and hold Hey all you humans You're all obsolete Please just die That would be so freaking sweet You might ask How can a transistorized droid Be the bearer of oh so much hate Well you built me so why don't you figure it out You stupid weak hairless primate Hey mister soundman See these metal thumbs? I'll strangle you with them if you don't turn up my drums Hello everybody Drumbot's my name If I kill you, then you know who is to blame Well, if I kill you, you just have yourself to blame
24.	drumbiotic denouement 00:40		buy track

about

"Thanks for...the C.O.G. CD. It's Awesome!! And well worth the wait!" - Paul Tassen
"LOVE the new disc!" - George "Loki" Williams
"I listed to "In COG We Trust" last night.. you all HAVE to get this CD. :)" - Crystal Guillory

"a work of legendary genius" - J.C. Patterson, Jackson Free Press
"sounds impeccable" - Robert Fontenot, Offbeat
"an epic work" - Keith Spera, Lagniappe
"Dear. Elvis. Almighty." - Paul T. Riddell

The lab adventures continue with this monsteripiece of musical anarchy!
Starring Dr. Pinkerton, Dr. A Pentatonic, and Dr. Z, this album supplies 24 tracks of slammin' sonic science, served up straight-faced with a side order of silly sketches!
Includes 12 page lyric booklet and a SECRET HIDDEN MESSAGE
Front cover art by Egypt Urnash / back cover art by Liz Streckfus, Roland Paris, and Jim Fairchild

Special Musical Guest Stars (in order of appearance):
Chris Flattmann (Devil Dust) - guitar solo on 'I Have the Power'
Roddy Ory (Edge of Fear) - drums on 'I Have the Power'
Jason Calderera (Focus 21) - drums on 'Destroy Old Things'
Emkay Anderson - piano on 'Reach Out and Touch the Hand'
Antarctica vs. the World - gang vocals on 'Yer Dawg Iz Ded'
Beth Patterson - banjo and all female vocals on 'Showerhead'
Roddy Ory (Edge of Fear) - drums on 'Showerhead'
Ross Karpelman (Clearlight) - B3 organ on 'Born in the South'
Misty Marshall (Misty Moon) - all female vocals on 'Born in the South'
Mike Martin (Devil Dust) - drums on 'Born in the South'
Beth Patterson - tambora, shruti box, and backing vocals on 'Funky Fresh'
Rick Naqvi (Zaemon) - electric sitar on 'Funky Fresh'
Ron Keller (Kalafka) - organ solo, harmonica on 'Funky Fresh'
Sean Yseult (Rock City Morgue) - bass on 'Bucket of Blood'
Billy Bones (Antarctica vs. the World) - drums on 'Bucket of Blood'
Eric Beletto (Egg Yolk Jubilee) - trumpet on 'Bucket of Blood'
Chad Gould (Boney Fiend) - keyboards on 'Just a Drumbot'

Four years in the making, this once again hand-made album was produced, recorded, and mastered by the band at C.O.G.'s own studio / rehearsal lab in Harahan, Louisiana. A hard disk recording, it was made using Cakewalk 9 and Cooledit 95, with sound cards by Lexicon and Creative Labs. During tracking, we used an analog Mackie mixer, and mics by ElectroVoice, AKG, and Shure. Using Cakewalk 9's inline FX processing, we were able to keep the track count below 35 (see if you can hear which ones we got most carried away on.) Guest musicians were once again recruited to star on several cuts. Once the music was finished, we took two months to record and mix the sketches, which were representative of the comedy material we were presenting onstage at the time.

This album is a sonic marvel. The C.O.G. has never sounded better.

credits

released November 13, 2004

Recorded, mixed and mastered by the Consortium of Genius at COG Secret Lab, New Orleans LA

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Consortium of Genius New Orleans, Louisiana

Deep within their secret lair, a cabal of mad scientists and one smart-alecky robot are hatching an evil plot: TO ROCK the EARTH into OBLIVION!

consortiumofgenius.com

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